My Best Friend

Exactly one month ago I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done. I still cry thinking about it. I've never been so heartbroken. I had watched my five year old schnauzer get sicker and sicker for over a year. Tyler and I had spent nearly $1000 trying to find out what was wrong with her but, every test, every vet said the same thing. I don't know.
When I got married two years ago I moved to Colville, Washington and had to leave Dustie (my schnauzer) in Utah with my parents. About 3 months after I left she got really sick, she couldn't walk, and wouldn't eat. She started breathing really heavy and it sounded like she was a smoker. That's when we spent all the money to see what was wrong. We never found out. Well, last year my parents moved up to Washington... Davenport to be exact. And we happened to move to Davenport as well. I finally got my dog back. She still breathed funny but, she seemed to be okay. Now thinking back, I think that she was sick for the last year but was too sweet to show it. A couple months ago she stopped eating. I had to hand feed her, and then watch a couple hours later as she would throw up everything she ate. She started to sleep all day long. And her breath got REALLY bad. All the while she remained a sweetheart. She would love on you all day long if you would let her. Finally, she lost half her body weight, wouldn't drink, and wouldn't even react to me calling her name. That's when I made the decision to take her in and put her down. I still struggle with it. I can't help but wonder if the wasn't something else I could have done, to help her heal. I wonder if she would've gotten better, if she could still be here. Tyler buried her in our back yard, I still cant go back there. I'm too heartbroken. I know that there are people out there who think, 'She was just a dog. You can go get another one.' But, Dustie was my best friend. I've always struggled with people, talking to them, continuing a conversation, feeling like I had a kindred spirit best friend. But, when I got Dustie, she was the truest friend I've ever had. She had a way of knowing when I was upset, and that she needed to come and lay on my lap and lick my hand. She was the best listener I ever met. I would talk to her endlessly and she would just sit there with her ears perked up and look at me like, 'Tell me more, I promise I understand.' She knew my deepest secrets, my darkest fears, my biggest dreams, and my heart. I slept with her every night, she would lay against my stomach and rest her head on my shoulder, all night long. Dustie truly would have been perfect if she wouldn't have been sick, I had the privilege of owning the best dog in the world. I miss her more than anything! I love you Dustie. Thank you for all the good memories.

Life, Easy as ABC

Last month when my visiting teacher came over she asked me several times if I was alright. After her asking me two or three times and me responding I was fine- I asked her why she kept asking me, she said; 'Lately you have seemed SOOO sad!'
Then it hit me- I have been sad, after over a year of trying for a baby, Tyler and I still haven't received that blessing. I have been struggling lately with watching friends, acquaintances, and random ladies at the grocery store be pregnant and have small children.
Although I am sad and disappointed, I don't want to be and don't have to be. So, I started looking into how to be happy.
In the January ensign President Monson gave the First Presidency message called, Living the Abundant Life. In this article he 'challenges Latter-day Saints everywhere to undertake a personal, diligent, significant quest for the abundant life-a life filled with an abundance of success, goodness and blessings.'
President Monson gives us some ABC's to help us gain an abundant life:
A-is for having a positive attitude. We can CHOOSE to have a positive attitude.
B- is believing in yourself. We can achieve what we believe we can. Trust, believe, and have faith.
C- is facing challenges with courage. Courage is a determination to live decently.
I cant help but feel as though President Monson was talking to me, it never ceases to amaze me of how our Heavenly Father put that article into my home at the time that I needed it.
President Monson's address inspired me to look more into how to be happy and feel fulfilled. Weeks ago my Mom gave me an article called 'Faith-An Intelligent Force' by Larry Barkdull. I refused to read it, not wanting to admit that I was struggling. After reading 'The Abundant Life', I finally sat down and read it. All I can say is that my Mom had felt some inspiration from the spirit, and had tried to touch my heart but, I was not willing to be touched. President J. Rueben Clark Jr. says that' faith is more that a belief, its a living and intelligent, force, by which God himself preforms his work.'
There are certain descriptive phrases of two prophets that Brother Barkdull highlights:

• A living...intelligent force by which God himself performs His work

• "superior to and over rules all other forces of which we know"
• "causes things to happen"
• "calls forth things that otherwise would not be"
• "moves people"
• "moves things"
• "a marvelous, even a transcendent, power, a power as real and as invisible as electricity"

Faith is so much more that "the power of positive thinking or a great exertion of emotion" Its tapping into our divine power from God.

These two articles really touched my heart, and made me think about my testimony. I know that I am a daughter of God, and that He loves me. I know that having faith in Him, includes having faith in His timing. And that all things work for our good. So, to finally get to the point, I have started to work on my faith; I have started a gratitude journal, which I write in everyday. I have also made a vision board. I have begun a quest for an abundant life, in which I will strive to have a positive attitude, believe in myself and my Heavenly Father, face all of the challenges in Tyler and my life with courage, and have unwavering Faith.