My Best Friend

Exactly one month ago I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done. I still cry thinking about it. I've never been so heartbroken. I had watched my five year old schnauzer get sicker and sicker for over a year. Tyler and I had spent nearly $1000 trying to find out what was wrong with her but, every test, every vet said the same thing. I don't know.
When I got married two years ago I moved to Colville, Washington and had to leave Dustie (my schnauzer) in Utah with my parents. About 3 months after I left she got really sick, she couldn't walk, and wouldn't eat. She started breathing really heavy and it sounded like she was a smoker. That's when we spent all the money to see what was wrong. We never found out. Well, last year my parents moved up to Washington... Davenport to be exact. And we happened to move to Davenport as well. I finally got my dog back. She still breathed funny but, she seemed to be okay. Now thinking back, I think that she was sick for the last year but was too sweet to show it. A couple months ago she stopped eating. I had to hand feed her, and then watch a couple hours later as she would throw up everything she ate. She started to sleep all day long. And her breath got REALLY bad. All the while she remained a sweetheart. She would love on you all day long if you would let her. Finally, she lost half her body weight, wouldn't drink, and wouldn't even react to me calling her name. That's when I made the decision to take her in and put her down. I still struggle with it. I can't help but wonder if the wasn't something else I could have done, to help her heal. I wonder if she would've gotten better, if she could still be here. Tyler buried her in our back yard, I still cant go back there. I'm too heartbroken. I know that there are people out there who think, 'She was just a dog. You can go get another one.' But, Dustie was my best friend. I've always struggled with people, talking to them, continuing a conversation, feeling like I had a kindred spirit best friend. But, when I got Dustie, she was the truest friend I've ever had. She had a way of knowing when I was upset, and that she needed to come and lay on my lap and lick my hand. She was the best listener I ever met. I would talk to her endlessly and she would just sit there with her ears perked up and look at me like, 'Tell me more, I promise I understand.' She knew my deepest secrets, my darkest fears, my biggest dreams, and my heart. I slept with her every night, she would lay against my stomach and rest her head on my shoulder, all night long. Dustie truly would have been perfect if she wouldn't have been sick, I had the privilege of owning the best dog in the world. I miss her more than anything! I love you Dustie. Thank you for all the good memories.